(Do-ine) Things Differently

If you speak English, you may be familiar with a form of speech where a verb masquerades as a noun. They’re called gerunds: -ing things. Words like running, jumping, etc. are gerunds.

Putting it lightly, COVID-19 has had massive worldwide impact. I don’t want to minimize the impact the virus has had globally; particularly for those who have lost loved ones to the disease. However, laughter is good for all of us.

So, in honor of quarantine, I’d like to present a new form of speech: -ine things; also known as jeronds. These are activities that have been severely impacted by quarantine. The ending sound is always the same as the ine in quarantine which sounds very familiar to ing, but with a significantly different meaning.

• Working -> Workine: If you’re fortunate enough to be able to work from home, but still manage to waste most of your day in virtual meetings.
• Sleeping -> Sleepine: Excessive sleep ’cause you’ve got nothing better to do that perhaps workine or exercisine (see below).
• Bathing -> Bathine: When you used to bathe daily, but now weekly seems adequate. Some say the onion-like smell helps with social distancing.
• Shaving -> Shavine: I haven’t seen a razor in three weeks. Have you?
• Exercising -> Excercisine: This is the act of thinking about exercise; not actually doing it.
• Eating -> Eatine: “You going to eat all of that?” Yes. Yes I am.
• Prepping -> Preppine: When five cases of toilet paper, 300 gallons of water, and a three-year supply of bacon simply aren’t enough.
• Leaving -> Leavine: The opposite of actually going out.
• Going Out -> Goine Out: Not going out.
• Watching -> Wathine: Yes. I did, in fact, watch the entire first season of CBS’s Star Trek: Discovery. Also Piccard. And the first three seasons of Friends. In one sitting.
• Cooking -> Cookine: Takeout. We’re supporting our local economy.
• Socializing -> Socializine: Six foot minimum please. Or better, just stay home and visit via the interwebs.
• Playing -> Playine: Like hanging out with friends, but without the friends.
• Dating -> Datine: If you’re married, 20 minutes standing outside the chicken coop with your spouse while the kids run amok in the house. If you’re not married, a whole lot of swiping.
• Reading -> Readine: Like regular reading, but for a minimum of 3 hours at a time. Every day.
• Vacationing -> Vacationine: Stay home. Seriously.
• Driving -> Drivine: When you don’t actually drive.
• Gardening -> Gardenine: Plenty of yard work to do, but still don’t wanna.
• Thinking -> Thinkine: The opposite of thinking; what happens when you let the news media tell you what to think.
• Drinking -> Drinkine: When a 12-pack used to last 3 days. Ah! I remember those times.
• Schooling -> Schooline: Kids used to go somewhere else to learn very little for 7 hours a day. Now, they stay home and do the same for 2 hours a day (or 20 minutes).
• Parenting -> Parentine: Alternating between trying (or tryine?) really hard to make sure kids get their schooline done, and telling them to go play for two hours so we get a break.
• Trying -> Tryine: Not rying. As in, I’m tryine to self-quarantine but it’s just too hard.
• Practicing -> Practicine: Well, I meant to practice, but just didn’t have time; just too busy stayine at home doine nothing.

Please comment with other -ing things that have become -ine things as you’ve lived through quarantine.